I was sober when I crashed my almost perfect life. I wasn't intoxicated. It wasn't raining. I wasn't hydro-plating. The wind shields weren't rain stricken. I wasn't distracted by thunder or lightning. The brakes weren't nicked. Then why did I crash ? There was no drunk driver driving rash. But, I crashed anyway, and now my life was lying scattered all over the highway. They told me it was most likely a hit and run. They said there was no need for concern. But, I told them no. I told them if I were wiser, this wouldn't have happened so.
There were no broken bones, no visible scars. But, how was I supposed to move on with no wheels to spur ?
No one cast a second glance; because it was a miracle I was standing. It looked like I was in good shape despite the rough landing. None looked beyond the facade. With no arising suspicion, they bought the act. Such a talent I must've procured !
They swept the drive and threw away the remnants of my misdemean. Without any evidence, everything looked
Blood! blood! blood!
draw it with a knife
draw it with a twist
draw it till you bleed dry
draw it on your wrist
Tears, tears, more tears
weep till you weep no more
weep, you are alone
weep, for you are bent and broken
weep till you turn to stone
Death, death, death
die for the ones you loved
die, for you have sinned
only in death shall you be redeemed
let Death come take you above
die now, you are dead within
Still I waitI think I died that day. The day you tore my world apart, the day you crushed my heart into a million pieces. The ground beneath me crumbled away, and I was falling ... I was falling. When it all stopped, I hit rock bottom. I crashed, and was sliced and pierced through on the jagged shards of reality. The darkness consumed me, and I let it. There was no reason to fight it. It was over. I just wanted it to be over. The pain seared through my whole being, and I couldn't breathe. In that moment, I knew what death was like, and I waited. I waited to be put out of my misery.
And, still I wait....
I have never felt alive again since the day we said goodbye. I think I might have died that day. I think I really died.
Into Your Eyes
I gaze into your eyes so deep, so deep
you show me a world almost cosmic
I feel like I've been waiting forever
I've never felt like this before
I think I'm falling; I can't let go
now that I'm here, there is no turning back
into your eyes I perish, into your soul
baby, let me show you, let me show you all the love I hold
A vice with a price
I was not ready for my twentieth birthday. Even less ready to celebrate it just two weeks after my father had passed away. I expected a book, a movie, the odd gift card. But, the present I received from my boyfriend was the most unusual. It wasn't a present adorned in bows, ribbons and frills. It wasn't stashed away beneath layers of crinkly paper. Nevertheless, it was no less valuable and under the circumstances, no less perfect. Never did I expect the two words "I quit", to be the cause of my smile.
Neil shared the same vice as my father, a vice that displeased me above all else. He was a chain smoker too. My father was diagnosed with lung cancer five years ago. After undergoing extensive chemotherapy and radiation treatment, he finally lost the battle, leaving me to grieve alone in the world. Smoking became one of those things I detested on a knee-jerk reaction; and when Neil quit, it was the biggest comfort anyone had given me.
My father always promised me the same